30 Days of Dominace: Day 4, 5 and 6 (short answer because I'm a slacker)

Day 4 - Do you switch into a submissive role at any time? Are you a “switch” in BDSM terms? If not, have you ever thought about it or given thought to why it’s not for you? If you are in a Domestic Discipline relationship, are there things that you do not maintain control over?

I used to be a switch. Now I tend more towards Dominant, as that is were I feel best.  I do like to be taken care of, I don't consider that the same as being submissive.

Day 5 - Have you been or are you in a Dominant/submissive dynamic relationship or is this new to you? Have you been in more than one D/s relationship? How were they the same? How were they different? What is unique about your relationships in your mind?

I've been in a few D/s relationships however I was on the submissive end. Even on the submissive end, however, I was the "first" so my sisters of submission often called me "little mistress". This is the first D/s relationship where I am the true Dominant. My past relationships were terrible things that I wish to not speak of, but I feel they make me better in my current relationship.

Day 6 – What do you feel are the roots of your Dominance? Do you think it has something to do with childhood, upbringing or parental example? Is it a relationship management tool as in the practice of domestic discipline? Is it a sexual thrill or something else?

I feel my dominance has to do with my need to care for people. I have this problem where I want o save the world. I want those I care for to feel no fear or pain. I believe that by being that constant in their life I can fulfill that hope to at least some point.

30 Days of Submission: Day 20

20) Has your submission increased or decreased over time? Have you ever had to renegotiate your submission due to a change in your feelings or circumstance?

I would say that it has changed over time - I've become much more willing to do what it takes to please whoever I am with. That has both served me well and caused me a great deal of pain. I feel that I'm able to trust easier and therefore listen easier. I have not had to renegotiate, but relationships change and I have no problems speaking up if something is a problem. -Squeaky

Picture of the Day: Lonely Sleeping

Excuse my messy living room in the background, but this is where I've been sleeping as of late. Our bed broke and I was kind enough to give Froggy the guest bed. I've been sleeping all alone on the couch, miserably so, missing my Love and hoping to one day be sleeping by her side.

Also, you can see my dog Sprocket, using my pillows like a human. Because how can that NOT cheer you up? -Squeaky

30 Days of Submission: Day 19

19) How socially connected is your submission? Do you look for others to talk to about your submission for support or networking? Do you go to events or connect through another sort of social grouping either in person or online?

I don't actually need to connect with others to be confident in my submission. I like to talk about it - hence moderating TK and being on Fetlife and speaking to different author friends of mine on the subject, but I don't feel the need to have a support network for it. I'd like to go to events, but there are few around here and I never seem to be able to make it to the one munch that's close. -Squeaky

Picture of the Day: Girly Things

This is is all your fault. I'm playing with makeup again after a hiatus and not being able to stand not having anywhere to go to get all made up. So your picture of the day is my eye crap.

Hard Candy Sheer Envy Primer
Maybelline Stylish Smokes palette in Amythest Smokes
Hard Candy Walk the Line liquid liner in black
NYC Eye Pencil on the lower lid in black
Rimmel Scandaleyes Mascara in HOLYFUCKITSACTUALLYWATERPROOF black.

I blame you for this. And thank you for it all at the same time. I feel purdy.

30 Days of Submission: Day 18

18) Very often the stereotype of submission is that the submissive person loses the ability to have an opinion. While that clearly isn’t true except in the absolute rarest of occasions, how does communication factor into your submission and how do you communicate your desires and needs?
This is a tough one because I'm a very opinionated person. My Love lets me speak my mind - that does not mean there aren't consequences for it, however. If I'm to be silent, it's made pretty clear and when I can speak freely she tells me so. Communicating is done straight forward...that does not, however, mean that every request will be obliged or need fulfilled. It's all at Her discretion. -Squeaky

Picture of the Day: My Weakness

Yesterday some crazy shit went down. I don't feel the need to re-iterate it, as it's being handled legally and on the basis of copyright infringement. But I did get called all manner of nasty, horrible things, mostly related to my weight.

It burns me because I try to do everything right. I'm on the diet prescribed by my doctor and nutritionist. I'm on medication to help with my hormonal imbalance and my insulin disorder. I walk everywhere. I jog five miles a week (more when it's warmer), I dance and do yoga daily. I chase the dogs and cats and play with the baby and pick her up and do all manner of physical activity while cleaning the house.

 I'm trying to lose 90 pounds, not because some jackasses on the internet think I'm too fat, but because I need to feel healthier. I want to be the girl I used to know. But with those health problems, losing weight is a near impossibility. In fact, the reason I gained those 90 pounds in a 3-month span my sophomore year in high school was because I was on the wrong medication for my insulin disorder. And they've stayed around ever since.

But sometimes you've just got to say "fuck it" and indulge your sweet tooth. So I've got a four pack of Cadbury double chocolate eggs that I fully intend on finishing today. I had two yesterday to make myself feel happier and take the edge off a headache. Today's are purely meant for enjoyment.

So there's your little peek into my life today - chocolate, it does a soul good. -Squeaky

30 Days of Submission: Day 17

17) What does trust mean to you in the context of submission?

Trust, to me, is no different than trust in any relationship. I know this seems to be my stock answer, but perhaps that's because almost all of my relationships in some form or another have had a BDSM aspect. I trust that my Love won't order me to do anything dangerous or bad for me. I trust that she won't break my heart and will gently guide me into being a better person. I trust that my Mistress will be there to catch me when I fall and I trust that she'll let me know when she can't do something. I also trust that she'll let me help her and serve her in any way that I can....that if she needs someone to catch her when she falls, that she knows I'm here for her to lean on.

Trust, really, is something I have a hard time with because like so many, I've been hurt so much. I do, however, trust my Love with all my heart and soul. -Squeaky

Picture of the Day: Me Now

Unfortunately since I still can't seem to find my camera's battery charger, a photo of me taken moments ago with my cell phone will have to do. I'm tired - I've got bags under my eyes. Last night's eyeliner and mascara are wiped all over and I look a wreck. And still She loves me. I couldn't have asked for a better Mistress, one who takes me as I am, then and now and everything in between. -Squeaky

30 Days of Submission: Day 16

16) Have you found your submission has changed with different partners/relationships? If you’re involved with partners of both sexes, does your submission relate or change based on gender or does it depend on the person?

I've found that my submission changes based on relationship. Just as each relationship is unique, so is my interaction in a BDSM sense. With Froggy, for example, we have a more relaxed play-partner relationship, nothing extremely serious because he did not want to interfere with my relationship with my Mistress and because he is still learning and from time to time needs my guidance so I must "top from the bottom" so to speak. With my Mistress, I'm willing to give in completely and totally. It doesn't change based on sex.

However, there are a few people (individual) who bring out my dominant side, and I don't mind exposing it occasionally to those I'm actually involved with if the mood strikes to switch. I'm happy to do it for those I submit to because it brings them pleasure, which ultimately brings me pleasure. So in a way, I'm still submissive. I hope that makes sense.

-Squeaky

Picture a Day: Day 2

While I stall and find time to get my camera charger from the depths of hell (AKA: The bedroom), this is a photo from the last night my Love and I saw each other: May 15, 2010. I was wearing my brand new corset, and half-way through the night of dancing we went back to her place to change and grab a few things. That night things almost happened (I was naked in her bedroom, FFS!) but we were both too shy and giggly and feeling too awkward to do anything about it. I still have the bra she lent me that night - leopard print with a red bow in the center. I wear it when I want to feel comfortable. It was the only one that fit for the duration of my pregnancy, and it always makes me feel supported (da-dum-dum!) -Squeaky

30 Days of Submission: Day 15

15) Has your submission evolved over time? If so, how has it evolved for you and if not (or if you are just starting out) how might you see or imagine it evolving in the future?

I think this is an apropos question, as we were just talking about this last night. I used to sleep with anything or anyone that would have me, but now I want to be a slut for only those I love, and most especially for my Love. Right now, I have a Mistress and I have a play-partner/dom (Froggy) and I'm not looking for anything else besides that. I've never been this content in a relationship setup before and I've never felt so comfortable or secure in one. I think, over time, that it will evolve into even more love and trust, especially after my Love and I get some time alone to ourselves for a bit in person.  -Squeaky

30 Days of Submission: Day 1

1) Does your submission - either what you practice or what you strive for - have a label? Do you view your submission as Taken in Hand, domestic discipline, top/bottom, dominant/submissive, master/slave, owner/pet, or some other description or combination? If you do not use a label, why?

My submission is based on feeling a sensation of control. Without it I feel like I'm spinning violently out of control. I imagine your touch and I feel a calmness about me. It quiets the chaos. My brain quiets down and life becomes simpler. The way it should have been. As far as titles go, I think dom sub makes the most sense. She controls me. She leads I follow. -Xibalba

30 Days of Submission: Day 14

14) Does religion have any bearing on your decision to submit? If not, are you familiar with religious based submission and do you view it as similar to other types of submission or dissimilar?

Honestly, submission IS a spiritual experience to me. In my eyes, you are my Goddess. To do anything but worship you would be a disservice to her. I've played D/s games as part of religious rites and enjoyed them thoroughly, such as the wild hunt wherein the subs are sent out into the wild and the doms have their choice of who they capture and take down and get to fuck. I've had religious-based ordeals wherein bondage and dominance and submission, as well as pain and pleasure, were all part of the rites. If I had a willing partner, I would again start practicing D/s as a form of worship, but unfortunately being married to an atheist puts a damper on things. 

Picture a Day: Day 1: The Girl You Met

This is a picture of the girl you met, right around the time we first met. This photo is part of a series that I still have (and will gladly send if asked), but this is who I was. I was cocky, arrogant, made stupid mistakes. This is the girl who went out clubbing twice a week, the girl who didn't have a care in the world except stupid high school shit. The girl who slept overnight on National Monuments until the trains ran in the mornings, the girl who saw you smile and wanted to keep seeing it, but was too afraid to show it.

This is the girl you met.

From me to You

When you're so lonely lying in bed
Night's closed it's eyes but you can't rest your head
Everyone's sleeping all through the house
You wish you could dream but forgot to somehow
Sing this lullaby to yourself
Sing this lullaby to yourself
And if you are waiting, waiting for me
Know I'll be home soon darling I guarantee
I'll be home Sunday just in one week
Dry up your tears if you start to weep
And sing this lullaby to yourself
Sing this lullaby to yourself
Lullaby, I'm not nearby
Sing this lullaby to yourself
Don't you cry, no don't you cry
Sing this lullaby to yourself
Cause when I arrive dear it won't be that long
No it won't seem like anytime that I've been gone
It ain't the first time it won't be the last
Won't you remember these words to help the time pass?
So when you're so lonely lying in bed
Night's closed it's eyes but you can't rest your head
Everyone's sleeping all through the house
You wish you could dream but forgot to somehow
Sing this lullaby to yourself
Sing this lullaby to yourself
Sing this lullaby, sing this lullaby
Sing this lullaby to yourself

A Picture a Day

I had a long conversation with someone last night and I think I made some headway. We'll talk when Love gets the chance, which likely won't be today as she's working a double and I'm all on my own.

I'm thinking of doing a picture a day as soon as I find my camera battery charger. Not necessarily anything sexual and not always me, but just a picture from my day. I think it might help bridge the distance a little better and make my Love and I feel more like a part of each other's lives.

Yea? Nay?

30 Days of Submission: Day 13

13) Is sexual availability, being available to your partner any time he or she wants, part of your submission? Why or why not? Are there limits to this?
Yes, within reason. If I'm not feeling well or sick or having a problem that would inhibit me from performing satisfactorily (say my PTSD is acting up that day, or I have massive diarrhea), I would expect to not be summoned for this aspect, but yes, I consider it part of my submission and willingly and gladly so.

WHISKEY!!!

So happy that my love got her Whiskey home. I can't believe I just did snoopy dances in my living room. In my underwear. Let that image sink in. Hehehe.

30 Days of Submission: Day 12

12) Do you include financial submission within the definition of your own submission and if yes, how does it manifest itself? If no, is there a particular reason why? Are you familiar with the concepts of financial submission? Do you have an opinion about financial submission in general?
I do not include financial submission within the definition of my own submission. Unfortunately I have a household to run and anything I have goes into that and taking care of those within it. But if my Love were in need, truly in need, I would not hesitate to help out in any way I could, as I mentioned in yesterday's blog post.

Money is a tough area, and it makes people a little crazy. I'd just as soon not have to deal with it, but unfortunately I'm the wizard when it comes to household finances and crunching numbers. I also feel entitled - if I work for it, I should be able to have discretion.

This does not preclude gifts or asking to save for something like a trip to visit my Love, however.

Jealousy

It's not often for me that jealousy rears its ugly head, but sometimes it does. I am human, after all. And jealousy is a perfectly normal human emotion. But that doesn't mean you can't work through it.

Jealousy in this particular instance arises from fear, I think. Fear of sharing time and fear of sharing my Mistress's love with someone we both have history and feelings for. I know that shouldn't scare me, but should draw me closer. But sometimes the lizard brain outweighs the logical mind and you panic.

I worry that if I'm not the squeaky wheel (no pun intended) that I won't get the time and attention I have been getting, or that I'll be relegated to the background like an unused toy after Christmas. It's an illogical feeling, an illogical thought because I know it won't happen.

But it's happened before, which is why I sit here with tears in my eyes as I write this. I want nothing more than to make my Love happy. And secondary, I want nothing more than to make those I love happy. And I love all involved, including and especially my Love. So why is this tough for me? I don't know.

The best part of my day...

Was waking up early by accident and completely coincidentally getting to talk to my Love. She was so smiley and happy and giggly. It made my day to see her that way.

30 Days of Submission: Day 11

11) Do you include service as a part of your expectations of your submission? How do you define service? What does it mean to you? If not, what is it about the concept of service that is not for you?
I do include service as part of the expectations of my submission. Service, to me, means making my Love's life easier in any way possible. If she were here, I would be cooking and cleaning for her, taking care of the kids, fetching things, drawing her baths, whatever she'd like. Since she's not here, I have to make up for it in other ways - finding little ways to make her day happier or easier wherever I can. Most recently, it was fundraising to save her dog. That's a heroic effort and not something I consider service, but it was done out of love for Her. Little things like updating this blog or sending her a message while she's at work letting her know I love her. Things like that.

Feeling Like A Disappointment

I've realized in a long-distance relationship, even moreso than in a face-to-face one, that feeling like you've disappointed your Love is a bigger blow. I feel like no matter what I do it's not good enough, but what brought it to the surface last night was the conclusion to the story. I was accused of rushing, and perhaps that's a little true - I was tired and excited all at the same time.

But I also had a problem describing how I would like for my Love to please me, as opposed to vice versa. It just was blocked in my head, because I would like for her to take her pleasure where and how she sees fit.

Aside from that, I've just been feeling like I'm failing at being able to cheer her up. I want to make her life better in every single way that I can, and I feel like that's not something I'm able to do from this far away.

It's days like today I not only want to cry, but also want to run away and kidnap her and be with her and shelter her from all the bad things in life forever.

It also sucks that it's President's Day and the mail doesn't run, because her surprise would have reached her today.

30 Days of Submission: Day 10

10) Does any element of BDSM occur as a part of your submissive relationships? How do you feel about BDSM? Is it core to your submission, peripheral or non-existent (other than the submission part)?
BDSM is pretty core to my relationships. I love to submit (obviously, or I wouldn't be writing this), and I'm an extreme masochist at my heart. I enjoy bondage and the thrill of trying to struggle free. I feel this question is kind of redundant, as there's not much to be said that hasn't already, or that my Love doesn't already know in this regard.

The Long Wait: Part Two

Cyn gently pushed Faye onto her back on the bed. Faye gasped, her raw and sore ass gliding along the sheets with a painful pleasure that brought a tear to her eye.

Cyn grinned, kissing Faye's lips, tasting herself on them. Her deft fingers glided over Faye's shirt, tugging at the hem and pulling it up over her head, exposing her entire torso to her Mistress. "What a naughty little thing you are." Cyn tsk'd thrice, and cupped a breast with one hand. Lowering her head, she suckled the nipple until Faye's back arched and a gasp slid from her throat.

Moving down, she kissed Faye's stomach, and pulled her skirt down over her hips and tossed it off the bed. Faye groaned and twisted, trying so much to help and failing. Cyn's fingers explored the shaved area between Faye's legs and found it already dripping wet. "Such a sweet little whore." She whispered, and immediately filled her to the max, shoving three fingers into Faye's cunt.

Faye moaned out, grasping the sheets, her hips rising to meet those wonderful fingers. The sensation was almost overwhelming, after all she'd already endured. Her vision swam with colors and shapes, and exploded when she first felt Cyn's tongue on her clit.

It didn't take but an instant for Faye to start begging. "Please, Mistress."

"Please what?" Cyn paused for a moment, and grinned up at the look of utter pleasure on her slave's face.

"Please may I cum?" Cyn began her ministrations again.

"Not yet, my sweet girl."

Faye fought with her own body, trying so hard to keep from exploding under her Mistress's touch. Her body was in constant motion, writhing and contorting on the bed, trying every which way to escape the feelings she had, trying every which way to think of anything other than her Love, to no avail.

"PLEASE!" she shouted. "Please Cyn..." she begged, the words flowing out like a torrent. "Please let me cum. Please. It feels so good. YOU feel so good. I can't..I can't..."

As the words faltered and Cyn felt her girl's pussy contract around her fingers, she spoke "You may cum."

Faye screamed her orgasm, gripping the sheets. Her toes curled, her legs tightened and she gasped for air that wouldn't come. Tears welled in her eyes, and as she tried to regulate her breathing, Cyn came up to lay next to her. Faye kissed her gratefully, and kept kissing her, a torrent of kisses to match the torrent of pleasure she had just felt and the flood of love she felt for her Mistress now.

"I love you so much." she said shakily.

"I love you too, my sweet girl." Cyn took Faye into her arms and caressed her hair, holding her until the shaking stopped.

"Will you ever let me go?" Faye whispered, a look of sudden fear on her face.

"Not a chance on your life, sweet one." Cyn kissed her again, and they slowly drifted into a reverie together.

30 Days of Submission: Day Nine

9) Do you accept and/or expect structure, rules and limits as a part of your submission? How do you feel about them?

I tend to balk at too many rules or limits and structure - I'm a very autonomous person most of the time. Some rules and limits and structure I expect and understand, and if I don't understand or like it, I ask and negotiate with my partner. Other things I will willingly do just to please them. :)

30 Days of Submission: Day 8

8) Is spanking or corporal punishment a part of your submission? Why or why not?
I enjoy it too much for it to be a true "punishment" - i'd say it's more part of my submission.

Tag, You're It!

I kept missing my Love today. Every time I would hop on, she would hop off. I suspect she had a very bad day and I wish so badly I could make it better. Thinking of you. <3

30 Days of Submission: Day Seven

7) Do you accept and/or expect discipline or punishments as a part of your submission? How do you feel about it?

I don't expect it, but I do accept it should my Love find it necessary to correct a behavior or problem or should I fall short of her expectations. When I do fall short of expectations, I feel horrible already, so lots of cuddles are required after physical discipline or psychological punishments.

30 Days of Submission: Day Six

6) What do you feel are the roots of your submission? Do you think it has something to do with childhood? Is it a relationship management tool as in the practice of domestic discipline? Is it a sexual thrill or something else?
I think it truly is just my nature. It has nothing to do with my childhood - I had, by all rights, a wonderful one. It's not a matter of domestic discipline, although it is a coping mechanism. Without someone to devote myself to, I feel lost and alone and absolutely depressed. Knowing that I have someone counting on me, depending on me, waiting for me to do something gives me purpose and in giving me purpose, gives me meaning. Of course, there's also the sexual thrill of it. One look that says "on your knees" and I'm all nice and ready to go.

The Long Wait, Part One

"Why does it hurt so much when I see someone else hurt you?" Faye wrapped her arms around the other girl, resting her head on her shoulder as she'd done a thousand times before.

"It hurts because it matters." Cyn sniffled and wiped at her tear-stained face, taking care to avoid smearing her mascara and giving herself even more of a raccoon-look than she'd already taken the time to apply that morning.

Faye leaned in and pressed her hand under Cyn's chin, looking her dead in the eyes. "I only want the best for you." Cyn reached up and grabbed Faye's hand, twisting it back on itself. Faye gasped at the suddenness of the movement.

"You are such a sweet, sweet girl," Cyn whispered, nipping at Faye's earlobe. Faye shuddered and closed her eyes, but a gentle, loving tap across the cheek brought her eyes back to meet the gaze of the one she called Mistress.

"I try." Faye's voice stuck in her throat. She blinked rapidly, fighting the urge to close her eyes and savor the sensation, the sweet, burning pain in her wrist. Cyn let go, and pushed Faye backwards, causing her to stumble and press against the wall for balance.

"You succeed. Very much so, my sweet girl." Cyn walked over to her, pressing one arm to either side of her, trapping her in place. Faye withered on the spot, sliding down the wall to her knees before her Love.

"I only want to please you." Faye smiled up at her, a mischievious grin on her face as she probed at the hem of Cyn's skirt. A sharp SMACK across the back of the hand thwarted her efforts.

"Not yet, my sweet girl. I've got a mind to do some things first. Some long, long awaited things." Cyn reached down and grasped Faye by the hair, dragging her across the room to the bed, causing Faye to crawl and scurry to keep up.

Looking up at her Mistress, Faye could only infer the next command and scrambled onto the bed, trying to be of help. When Cyn smiled at her and twirled her finger around, Faye turned around and bent over, exposing absolutely everything to her. Faye's skirt was so short and there was nothing underneath.

"Mmmm." Cyn almost moaned, cupping an ass cheek and giving it a firm smack to test Faye's reaction. Faye jumped at the suddenness of it, but did not move except to sink further onto her hands and knees to present herself to her Mistress.

Selecting a lightweight lexan cane from the wall, Cyn swatted at the air. Faye flinched at the tell-tale noise that the cane made, the woosh as it cut through the air just as surely as it would welt her flesh in a moment's time.

"I want you to take a good beating. One stroke for each year I've had to wait for you. Start counting." Cyn pulled back and gave it all she was worth. Faye cried out in pain, tears welling in her eyes.

"One. Thank you, my Love." Faye breathed deeply, composing herself for the next strike. It came, gentler than the last.

"Two. Thank you, my Mistress." Cyn's hand rubbed the blossoming bruises on Faye's ass, giving her time to recover and a moment of serenity between the chaotic mindspace of the pain.  And just as suddenly as her hand was removed, Faye recieved another swat of the cane.

"Three. Thank you!" She practically yelped the words. Cyn smiled, knowing without even looking that her sweet girl was already wet enough to be dripping. Another three swats in rapid succession left Faye gasping for air.

"Four. Five. Siiiiiix." moaned Faye. Her ass was beet red, tiny welts forming where blood pooled at the surface. They would bruise nicely and leave Faye with a lasting reminder of just who owned her for days to come.

Three light taps, again in rapid succession. "Seven. Eight. Nine." Faye bit down on the pillow in front of her, tears rolling down her cheeks. She loved the pain, loved the tenderness between blows, but could not help her body's natural reaction to it.

"Ready, my sweet?" Cyn caressed Faye's cheek, wiping away an errant tear. Faye simply nodded, as a blow rained down on her ass just as hard as the first, sending Faye jumping across the bed, rubbing her ass.

"Ten." She choked out the number. Had it really been ten long years that they'd been dancing around one another, waiting for the right moment, the courage to speak up? It had. And now Faye had the marks to show for it.

Cyn tossed the cane to the side and climbed on the bed. Without hesitation, stuck three fingers inside of her pet. "This is mine. Do you understand?" Faye nodded.

"Yes," she was still gasping on the tears. "Yes. All yours!" She spread her legs awkwardly, trying to avoid aggrivating the welts on her tender ass.

"What do you want, my sweet girl?" Cyn pumped her fingers in and out, just enough to tease her. Faye's hips jumped at the movement, meeting the thrust with one of their own. Faye sat and wrapped her arms around Cyn, kissing her passionately.

Faye's tongue slipped past Cyn's lips. Their tongues danced together briefly, before Cyn pulled her fingers out of the girl, leaving her gasping and feeling wholly empty. "What do you want?" She repeated, sounding less patient this time.

"I want you. I want all of you." Faye gently pushed Cyn back and lifted her skirt. This time, Cyn gave no protest. Faye started at her knees and kissed her way up Cyn's thigh, nipping and biting. Cyn's fingers encircled a few errant locks of Faye's hair, tugging on them to remind her not to be too much of a brat.

When she reached Cyn's panties, Faye took them between her teeth and pulled them down, all the way, before kissing her way back up to the pinnacle of Cyn's desire. She looked up at Cyn for permission and was met with a loving look and a nod of approval.

Gently parting her Love's outer lips, Faye lapped at her Love's pussy like a cat laps a bowl of cream, and enjoyed it moreso. She savored the taste, letting out a low moan in the back of her throat to indicate her pleasure.

Cyn grasped the girl's head, holding it there. But there was no need. Nibbling at Cyn's clit, Faye's tongue paid the utmost attention to that spot, trying so hard to please her Mistress. Her fingers came up, probing and searching until she found that magical spot that made Cyn writhe and moan herself.

Faye's tongue flicked rapidly over Cyn's clit, her mouth worked overtime, nibbling and sucking gently at it, her tongue occasionally delving into the cleft below, taking her time and teasing. When Cyn's grip tightened on her hair, she knew she had found her rhythm and continued on until Cyn bucked wildly, pressing herself so close against Faye's face that she could not breathe.

When Cyn let go, Faye gasped for air, licking her lips and smiling up at her. "Is my Love pleased?"

"Very much so, my sweet girl." Cyn smiled and wiped a bit of fluid off of Faye's nose, feeding it to her on her fingers, which Faye gladly licked and sucked. "Now it's your turn."

Just a Little Something...

That I thought you should know.

I was asked tonight a "what if" question. If I could have anyone for my Valentine's day date besides David (who I was with), who would it be?

Without hesitation I said I would want you there.

<3

For my Love on this holiday

I know neither of us is having a good week/month/year so far, but on this holiday, I want you to know that you are loved from the very bottom of my heart.

30 Days of Submission: Day Five

5) Have you been or are you in a dominant/submissive dynamic relationship or is this new to you? Have you been in more than one D/s relationship? How were they the same? How were they different? What is unique about your relationships in your mind?

Each individual relationship for me is unique and different. I don't believe any one person can be everything for any one other person. This is not the first D/s relationship I've been in - most of mine have been, and the ones that haven't didn't work out so well.

I am a loving person - some would accuse me of being too much in love with those I care about. Some would call it obsession or lust or some other such label that belittles what I feel. When in a relationship - no matter what the dynamic - I give 110% of myself over to it. This may seem counter-intuitive since I'm firmly polyamorous, but it's possible and I do.

If my Love asked anything of me - anything at all within reason - I would do it for her. For me, D/s isn't so much about a power exchange or a dynamic, it's about being able to express my giving nature in a  way that isn't looked down upon so much. Does that sound vain? I don't mean it to. What I mean to say is that I devote myself to my partners and to have a relationship otherwise seems foreign and alien to me.

How do You Know You Really Love Someone?

It seemed an appropriate topic given the season and something I wanted to let my Love know.

It isn't, as Valentine's day would suggest, about cards and flowers and gifts (although I did get one of the latter...unfortunately it won't arrive until well after the holiday. I hope my Love likes it.)

Knowing you love someone, really love them, is a lot like what the Velveteen Rabbit describes as becoming real - the person has seen you at your worst. With all your skin rubbed off and your hair coming loose. It might not be pretty, but it is what it is. Seeing all your scars and fresh wounds (both literally and figuratively) and saying "I don't care."

Knowing you love someone with all that you've got gives you a heady feeling, ignites butterflies in the pit of your stomach even though you've known them for years and years and years, through all the phases and stages, the mistakes and the triumphs.

Love is knowing that you'd like to take care of that person when they fall, and stand there with them (or behind them, as my case may be) when they succeed. Love is learning the ins and outs of the other person, and trusting them enough to be able to say "You're right." occasionally. When it merits. Every now and again. ;)

Love is knowing you'll always be there for the person, to fill a need or every need you possibly can, and, in the process, be willing to do anything for them.

I love you, my Dear. Don't ever doubt it.

30 Days of Submission: Day Four

4) Do you switch into a dominant role at any time? If you are in a domestic discipline relationship, are there things that you maintain control over? Are you a “switch” in BDSM terms? If not, have you ever thought about it or given thought to why it’s not for you?

There are rare moments, and  I mean really rare, where I switch into a dominant role. I'll do it for my partner if they like, but usually I don't derive anything from it aside from knowing that I'm pleasing them. Sometimes there's just a rare person or day where I feel like being in control.

There are plenty of things I maintain control over in my daily life, and prefer it that way. I don't like being told what to eat, how to eat, how or when to clean. These things are my domain and I do them to please my partner, not because I have to but because I want to.

I am not a switch in BDSM terms, though like I said there's a rare moment here or there usually brought about by a person. I am a brat - I tend to like fighting for submission and the take-down that ensues. I just don't derive much pleasure from topping someone - except in those rare moments or as stated above.

30 Days of Submission: Day 3

I was a bad girl and didn't get around to this yesterday. Yikes.


3) How do you know you are submissive or have the potential to be submissive? How do you feel when you express your submission?
I guess I've always known. It's just one of those things inherent to my nature. I was always wanting to be the one tied up when playing cowboys and indians, always the one assuming a submissive role when playing as a kid, always hoping the villian really would ravish the damsel in distress because it gave me butterflies in my stomach.

When I express my submission, I get that self-same "butterflies in the stomach" feeling and a dizzy, heady sensation, almost like I'm so giddy I'm going to pass out. 

If I Were There Now...

I'll have worn comfy clothes on the plane. Stepping off, I'd feel tired and a little bit disheveled. I'd want to get cleaned up, and presentable for you, feeling ashamed that I wasn't perfect for you right away.

Taking me home - to a hotel room, perhaps, or somewhere else, it doesn't matter because wherever you are is my heart's Home - you allow me time to get cleaned up and presentable for you.

After that, you waste no time, ambushing me as I step out of the bathroom and pushing me against a wall, kissing me as hard and as passionate as almost 10 years of knowing one another, all that pent up emotion, entails.

I return the kiss, and you snake your arms around me, pulling me with you to the bed. Hurriedly, we strip and I kneel to please you, licking and sucking and biting at your pussy. I want so very badly to feel your lips upon me, but I will wait my turn. I've been waiting for so long.

When the tables are turned, you find some infraction to cane me for - with the brand new cane I've gotten you. You finally relent and return the favor.

We spend the rest of the night in a less frenzied state,making love at our leisure, until finally we fall asleep safe and secure in each other's arms and knowing that there is something as deep, if not deeper, than love between us.

30 Days of Submission: Day Two

2) Describe who you might submit to and how. Are you exclusively submissive in marriage or just in the bedroom? Are you submissive only in the context of a scene or in a role or throughout your daily life? Are you submissive to play partners or only in the context of a relationship?

There are two people in my life who I submit to: My husband and my Love. My submission primarily tends to be in the bedroom, with only little bits and bobs sneaking out here and there. I'm  a fiercely independent person and to have that independence taken away is something that I can't stand  - unless it comes to things like my own welfare. For example, my husband makes me eat my vegetables. I Hate eating vegetables. My Love inspires me not to hurt myself. Those are two examples where I am okay submitting outside the bedroom.

I tend to be submissive no matter who I'm playing with - not just within the context of a relationship, but the longer I've known you and the more I've seen you have my heart and best interests at heart, the more likely I am to trust you in submitting more and more.

The First Thing

Rolling over and tossing and turning in bed, my mind is frantic with all the things I have to get done and all the things I haven't done. My failures and triumphs of the day. And then, suddenly, my mind turns to you and all is calm.

I think of your eyes - such a beautiful color, set into the perfect face, sparkling like the most beautiful gems a girl could wear.

I think of your touch, the soft, tender caresses that I've felt only rarely. A touch here, a touch there. A touch that burns me to my core and one I hope to feel more often, a problem I hope to remedy.

I think of your laughter - a tinkling, high noise like bells calling me to worship at your feet. I would kneel and take penance, kneel and worship with as much exaltation as called on high just for you, my Love. The joy, the pain, the sadness and sorrow and ritual I grew up with in religion - it's all reflected in your presence.


You are my Goddess, and the first thing on my mind when I wake up and the last thing on my mind as I fall asleep.

30 Days of Submission: Day 1

1) Does your submission - either what you practice or what you strive for - have a label? Do you view your submission as Taken in Hand, domestic discipline, top/bottom, dominant/submissive, master/slave, owner/pet, or some other description or combination? If you do not use a label, why?

I view things much like a traditional relationship in that there are stages. First, there's the "getting to know you" or dating phase. We get to know each other and feel each other out as a dominant and submissive. Then, should things go well, with a little time, magic and chemistry, I would ultimately like to be someone's slave - but I don't take that title or the corresponding ones lightly. No matter what, there's gotta be love involved. And with my Love right now, there certainly is. 

All For You

 Kneeling before her, I wrap my arms around her legs, pressing my face close to the source of all that is driving me to the brink of insanity. Her fingers tangle through my hair, pulling my head back with a sharp, quick movement.

Our eyes meet and the look in her eyes says it all. She needn't say anything, but I do. "I'm yours," I whisper. "Yours for now and for always." Satisfied with my answer, she shoves my head away again, letting loose a tumble of curls.

She takes my hand and slowly I rise, my knees shaking from the anticipation - years and years of it. Leaning against her for support, my arms snake around her waist, and I bury myself in her. Inhaling deeply, I take in her scent, sighing contentedly.

A cascade of kisses from her forehead, across her temple, to her ear and throat and finally our lips meet. My tongue ever-so-gently presses against her lips and as she obliges, the world explodes before my eyes.

Pulling away with a small bite to her bottom lip, I brush the hair away from her ear and whisper "What would you have of me, my sweet, sweet Poisyn? I only want to please you."