Days of Submission: Day 27 + 28

27) Do you have submissive desires or fantasies that you have yet to be able to explore? Do some of your desires confuse or frighten you? Do they excite you?

I think the only desire or fetish of mine that I've ever really been leery about has been my impregnation fetish. I rarely talk about it, I rarely list it. It's not relevant to this relationship and I'm often too chickenshit to mention it to any of my partners unless they mention it first. It's not the idea of being pregnant - that was hell on earth - it's the idea of being claimed to that degree that turns me on. And that scares me, just a little.

28) Has your submission ever let you down? Have you ever been criticized for your submission? Have you ever regretted being or feeling submissive in a moment or in a relationship? Have you ever looked back and realized you made a mistake and how did you handle your submission going forward from that.

I've always talked at length about my mistakes and always tried to rectify them (still working off my most recent one where I've stepped out of line). I think my least proud moment as a submissive happened when I was a teenager. I met a "Dom" at a play party and he wanted to have sex. I said no and kept saying no, and he overrode my wishes. In that moment, I regretted feeling submissive and regretted ever engaging with him. I still look back on that night in disgust.

I've been criticized plenty for my submission, as well as for my choice to be in a polyamorous relationship. The most recent "shaming" occurred while waiting in line to see the president speak. It all started as a conversation on Clinton and his indiscretions and, being out and proud about who I am and making no secret about who or what I am, we got into it about lifestyle habits and choices and even sexual orientation. I pissed off the lady so bad she called me a slut and a whore and swore I was no better than a prostitute and that I must have no self esteem....she was so upset she left the line. I'll never understand it.

Most recently I've been approached by an author friend to give a comprehensive view on BDSM and what it's really like to be a submissive woman as opposed to the fantasy set forth by "50 Shades". We'll see how that goes.