Sunday, March 24, 2013
Picture of the Day - WTF HOW DO I FIX THIS? YAR.
Sunday, March 17, 2013
Picture of the Day: Obligatory Post-Bath Snapshot
Everyday Musings: A Little of This, a Little of That
I'm not too sure what to write today, so it's going to be a mish-mash of just about everything. Mostly complaints, but this is my everyday life, really. So a snapshot, if you will. I tried a random blog topic generator, and got the topic "eating out." Uhhh...too easy. :-P
I finally got a long soak in the tub today. Win.
Doing laundry and packing and cleaning. Win. But doing it all by myself. Not so win.
Pandora seems to have a great soundtrack for my day. Win.
I'm still too tired to do much - not so win.
I started the squat challenge that's been going around, but changed it to the plie' challenge. I'm gonna get back to dancing if it kills me.
Sorting stuff for the yard sale and moving and whatnot. Just ugh.
That's about my day. Since I was left with a song, I'll leave one for my Love.
I finally got a long soak in the tub today. Win.
Doing laundry and packing and cleaning. Win. But doing it all by myself. Not so win.
Pandora seems to have a great soundtrack for my day. Win.
I'm still too tired to do much - not so win.
I started the squat challenge that's been going around, but changed it to the plie' challenge. I'm gonna get back to dancing if it kills me.
Sorting stuff for the yard sale and moving and whatnot. Just ugh.
That's about my day. Since I was left with a song, I'll leave one for my Love.
Saturday, March 16, 2013
Lost
I sometimes feel I am neglecting my darling. I just get so wrapped up in the Hell that my own world has become, that I forget there is a sweet girl out there craving my attentions. I want so badly to wash away her doubt, but how can I when I feel so lost myself?
I don't know how else to say it, so I leave the words of Dan Brown to do it...
I don't know how else to say it, so I leave the words of Dan Brown to do it...
Lost
Lost in a world, that scares me to death,
Lost in a crowd, I'm losing my breath.
Lost as a boy, lost as a man,
I need to grow up, don't think I can.
Lost as a person, can't find my way.
Lost in life, every day.
Lost in worry, who am I?
All my life, I've lived a lie.
Lost to kindness, lost to love,
Lost in a sky, like a new-born dove.
Lost in thought, which I shouldn't do,
It winds me up, I can’t get through.
Lost to comfort, all kind words,
Lost to advice, it isn't heard.
Lost to those who really care,
All these people, always there.
Lost in me, I need a break,
Lost in wonder, which road to take?
Lost in a place I don't know well,
Where are you now? There's no one to tell.
Lost here, all alone,
Lost apart from the mobile phone.
Lost still, there are no calls.
I'm struggling alone, to break these walls.
Lost in mind, lost in soul,
Lost memories, they're just a hole.
Lost family, lost mate,
Gone now, yet I'm full of hate.
Lost in a straight world, and I am gay,
Lost now, for what to say,
Lost in boredom, think I'll leave.
There's a lot in life I need to achieve.
Lost in a crowd, I'm losing my breath.
Lost as a boy, lost as a man,
I need to grow up, don't think I can.
Lost as a person, can't find my way.
Lost in life, every day.
Lost in worry, who am I?
All my life, I've lived a lie.
Lost to kindness, lost to love,
Lost in a sky, like a new-born dove.
Lost in thought, which I shouldn't do,
It winds me up, I can’t get through.
Lost to comfort, all kind words,
Lost to advice, it isn't heard.
Lost to those who really care,
All these people, always there.
Lost in me, I need a break,
Lost in wonder, which road to take?
Lost in a place I don't know well,
Where are you now? There's no one to tell.
Lost here, all alone,
Lost apart from the mobile phone.
Lost still, there are no calls.
I'm struggling alone, to break these walls.
Lost in mind, lost in soul,
Lost memories, they're just a hole.
Lost family, lost mate,
Gone now, yet I'm full of hate.
Lost in a straight world, and I am gay,
Lost now, for what to say,
Lost in boredom, think I'll leave.
There's a lot in life I need to achieve.
Friday, March 15, 2013
Picture of the Day: Intimacy
Freewrite: Rainy Night
Spring is a tease - she keeps flitting in and out of my life with ease, bringing me right back to the coldness of winter. Tonight, though, she keeps me company. The windows are open and a light rain sings against the rooftop, calling my name and making me want to wander to places I know I shouldn't be in my own head.
These are the perfect nights for snuggling up with the one you love, and I wish so desperately my Love were here to share it with me. These are the perfect nights for a long walk in the gentle mist, for long, wet kisses in the rain and a romp through the woods, muddy and perfect with Mother Nature.
But I'm here, alone. I'm cleaning and packing and trying to work out what I'm going to do without any help. I don't have anyone to cuddle up with - even the kiddo is gone to her Nana's. I'm here all alone and the thoughts inside my head are driving me insane. Now, more than ever, I need that love and those cuddles and to he held and told that everything is fine. That reassurance that I'm not just some disposable plaything. That reassurance that love really is there.
Because despite the wonderful weather and the beautiful night, where I am in my head, it ain't pretty. -Squeaky
These are the perfect nights for snuggling up with the one you love, and I wish so desperately my Love were here to share it with me. These are the perfect nights for a long walk in the gentle mist, for long, wet kisses in the rain and a romp through the woods, muddy and perfect with Mother Nature.
But I'm here, alone. I'm cleaning and packing and trying to work out what I'm going to do without any help. I don't have anyone to cuddle up with - even the kiddo is gone to her Nana's. I'm here all alone and the thoughts inside my head are driving me insane. Now, more than ever, I need that love and those cuddles and to he held and told that everything is fine. That reassurance that I'm not just some disposable plaything. That reassurance that love really is there.
Because despite the wonderful weather and the beautiful night, where I am in my head, it ain't pretty. -Squeaky
Thursday, March 14, 2013
Picture of The Day: The Feels, I Has Them
Freewrite: Redefining Home
Right now I'm in the middle of a move and I've realized that I don't exactly have a stable thought on what constitutes "home" for me. When I'm here, home is 500 miles away where my family and friends are. When I'm there, "home" is here where my husband and animals are. When I'm pragmatic about it, "home" is wherever my loved ones are, and those I love are scattered about. When I'm being a little more nostalgic, "home" is where my heart lies - in the middle of the north-central PA wilderness with my horses and the last trappings of my adolescence. So where is home for me? Do I actually have one? Do I actually want one? Do I need one?
Ideally if I were to have a home, I would buy up a large tract of land in Northeastern PA and buy up a bunch of trailers and create a compound for my family and friends to all gather around and be close, sort of like a modern day commune or camp. But everyone else has other plans and nobody would actually buy into the idea, so it's a moot point.
Secondarily I'd like my home to have space for animals and my animal rescue endeavors - enough place for a sanctuary and a boarding facility.
Most of all, though, I just wish I could make a home with my loved ones. My husband, my Love, and any others in their lives. But it'll never happen. A girl can dream though, right? -Squeaky
Ideally if I were to have a home, I would buy up a large tract of land in Northeastern PA and buy up a bunch of trailers and create a compound for my family and friends to all gather around and be close, sort of like a modern day commune or camp. But everyone else has other plans and nobody would actually buy into the idea, so it's a moot point.
Secondarily I'd like my home to have space for animals and my animal rescue endeavors - enough place for a sanctuary and a boarding facility.
Most of all, though, I just wish I could make a home with my loved ones. My husband, my Love, and any others in their lives. But it'll never happen. A girl can dream though, right? -Squeaky
Saturday, March 9, 2013
30 Days of Submission: Day 30
30) Is your need to submit being met? If not, or if your situation changed, do you think that you could continue in your life and still be happy/content if you were never able to express your submission in the way that feels best to you again? What makes submission special to you?
Despite the trials and complications of my current relationship, I'd say my need to submit is about 50 percent fulfilled. It's hard with a long distance relationship - I can't be there for her in the ways I want to be and do and help and serve. I don't think I'd ever be content in a relationship where I couldn't at least express my submission somewhat - it's that deeply a part of who I am. And for that reason, it's special to me. -Squeaky
Friday, March 8, 2013
Picture of the Day: Retail Therapy
Now to keep them nice so I can tease you with them when I finally see you. ;)
30 Days of Submission: Day 29
29) Is pain or humiliation (spankings for example) a part of your submission? What is your relationship to it? Do you embrace it as a part of your submission, tolerate it as necessary or have some other type of relationship with it?
Pain and humiliation are very much turn-ons for me, so I like them to be part of my submission as well. Obviously inflicting pain is hard for my Love right now since she's so far away, but humiliation is doable and has yet to be explored within our relationship. Right now I'm focusing on doing the best I can to BE the best I can for her and be what she needs. -Squeaky
Thursday, March 7, 2013
Mistress of the Hunt
She stood in line with the others, shivering through her thin white shift in the chilled May air. It was supposed to be warm that night - it was always warm on Beltane. But thanks to global warming, or maybe just the anticipation of the night, Faye was cold. Standing there in her simple shift and a pair of sturdy boots, she eyed the crowd.
It didn’t take long for Faye to spot her: the object of her affection. Firelight danced across her leather as she seemingly and without care adjusted the laces on her corset. Her boots were long and the knife at her side glinted ominously. Her red hair sparkled like a precious gem. She was the very vision of the Huntress Goddess and Faye let out a breath she didn’t know she’d been holding in.
It was the night of the Wild Hunt. Faye and the others would be let loose into the woods and whosoever captured them had the option of letting them go for better prey or taking them as they saw fit. Faye only hoped that her Love would get to her first. It was a gamble, but it was all part of the ritual and mystery of the holiday, and the prospect of being taken excited her.
A horn sounded once, and the participants stood at attention. It sounded again, and the line of prey began running for the woods, giving them a head start. Faye ran with the crowd for a while,
Her shift tore and snagged on the leaves and Faye quickly discarded it, knowing full well she was leaving a trail with which to find her. She didn’t care, it was a hindrance to her running and, though it provided a little protection from the cool night air and searching tendrils of fresh plants, she’d rather go without it.
Faye broke from the crowd and headed toward a grove of poplar trees, hoping that their quaking leaves would cover the sound of her footsteps. Stalks of multiflora rose scratched at her skin, leaving dark red welts and bloody lines. She hoped it wouldn’t lessen her beauty in her Love’s eyes, that is if her Love actually caught her.
She eyed the moon, full and lush like the belly of the fertility goddesses they were celebrating that night. So caught up was she that she didn’t notice she was being followed until a firm hand encircled her forearm and another was placed over her mouth so she couldn’t scream. Her boot caught a root and she tumbled, supported only by the weight of her mysterious captor. A masculine voice whispered “Shhh...You’re caught, little one.”
Tears welled in Faye’s eyes. Her captor was a man. Not the Mistress of the hunt she’d so desperately hoped would find her, but someone else, unknown to her. She could feel his hardness digging into her back. He let go and she tumbled to the ground, falling out of her boots that were caught in the mire.
Naked except for the temporary collar that marked her as a participant in the event (as if anyone else might happen to be wandering around the woods on Beltane night naked as the day they were born), Faye scrambled to her back and looked up at her captor.
He was well-formed, for sure, but he was not the one she wanted. She could scarce make out his features, even with the ample light provided by the moon. The budding leaves provided just enough coverage to make the whole experience just anonymous enough that, unless he dragged her back to the bel fires, she would never know who took her.
In just a moment, he was atop her, his strong hand grabbing her just under the chin and fingers digging into her cheeks. She looked at him, and saw he had deep, brown eyes. She inhaled just a little, and closed her own, trying to look away. He thought it was all part of the game and she had no real right to refuse him - that was the sacrifice she and the others had made going into the festivities.
So engaged they were in assessing each other, neither one of them heard the footsteps that made no attempt to hide in the wild undergrowth of the forest. What Faye did hear was the scrape of metal on metal as a knife was unsheathed. Faye thought momentarily about crying for help, until she saw the knife at her captor’s throat.
A delicate, well-manicured hand pulled his head back and a voice as thick and husky as midnight whispered “I believe you’ve found my property, good sir.” Even in the dark, Faye could see the man’s eyes grow wide. She looked beyond him and let her eyes adjust and saw her Mistress. The leather, dark as night, squeaked with the exerted effort of pulling the man off of her.
He grumbled, but acquiesced to her aggression and sulked off in search of other prey, leaving Faye and her Mistress of the hunt alone together. Faye looked up at her and smiled, but the smile was not returned with but a small “tsk”-ing noise.
“My careless little girl, getting herself into all sorts of trouble.” Her Mistress reached out and helped Faye to her feet. Faye embraced her, her bare skin pressed against the chilled leather of her Love’s outfit. The embrace was returned for just a moment before she felt the bare steel of the knife pressed to her back, tracing swirls and spirals down her spinal column.
“I may love you, my sweet girl, but tonight you are my prey. Now march.” Faye walked on clumsily, barefoot and with a knife to her back, urging her onward. She had no idea where they were going until they got to a clearing in the forest. It was matted around the edges with leaves from last year’s fall, but the center was fresh with dewy green grass that had just a hint of frost to it.
Faye knelt at the center of the clearing, unable to help it that her eyes searched her Mistress’s body and face for some indication of her plans. But nothing was given freely, not tonight. Her mistress quickly pushed Faye back and with a yelp of surprise, Faye toppled. The fresh grass cut into her wounds, making for a deliciously sweet sensation that caused Faye to yelp and squirm. The knife was at her throat in an instant.
“Shhh....” Her Mistress ordered. Faye bit her bottom lip and did her best to keep silent as her Mistress took advantage of her position atop her to run her hands along Faye’s body. She felt fingers explore the cleft between her legs, wet with anticipation and the thrill of being captured.
Her Mistress smiled, and removed the knife when Faye was sufficiently still. Faye gasped again as she felt lips upon her nipple and a little suckle, while a warm hand explored the other breast. Her back arched against the ministrations, and her legs instantly spread apart, showing her willingness to her Mistress with no questions asked.
Her Mistress smiled, and Faye closed her eyes, savoring the look of approval and the feeling of a warm, hot mouth on her tender breast. Faye’s hands reached up to run through her Love’s hair, but were swatted away. She was to be totally passive tonight, apparently. The sacrificial animal led to the slaughter.
She felt her Love’s mouth move further down, kissing her round stomach. The wetness between her legs was undeniable, so great it was that it trickled out and seeped into the ground beneath her. Her legs spread even wider as her Mistress’s mouth moved down, and she felt a hot breath close to her pussy.
She moaned then, unable to help herself. Cold steel and a sharp edge pressed against her thigh, a reminder to keep quiet lest they be discovered. Faye brought a hand up and bit down on her knuckles as the first electric charge of tongue meeting sensitive nether-flesh struck through her body.
Her Mistress worked tirelessly, tonguing at Faye’s clit. Faye writhed beneath her touch and it didn’t take much until her first climax was upon her. But the festivities didn’t end there. Faye felt herself invaded by three fingers, stretched out by them, as her Mistress bit down on the sensitive nub of flesh between her legs. Faye squealed, and the knife bit into her thigh, leaving another cut and a trail of blood.
She felt her Mistress’s mouth leave her clit for just a moment to lick the wound, and heard a satisfied “Mmm” sound, husky and thick with lust. Her Mistress wiggled her fingers and returned to licking Faye’s clit, and it didn’t take long before another orgasm, then another, rocked her exposed and vulnerable body.
Faye lay panting on the ground, her lust sated, when she heard the distinct ripping noise of a zipper. Through half-lidded eyes, she saw her Mistress carefully removing her leather pants. In a moment, she was upon Faye, squatting over her face. Faye dutifully reached out, her hands on her Mistress of the hunt’s thighs to brace her. Her tongue reached out and began to trace small patterns along the lips of her Love’s pussy.
Her Love moaned, and reached down to guide Faye’s head, but Faye needed no guidance. Her lips suckled at her Mistress’s clit, and Faye felt her shudder above her. Using all her strength and grunting with exertion, Faye flipped her Mistress over so that their positions were reversed. With it being much easier for Faye to access her Mistress’s most private parts, Faye went to work, taking her time and exploring her Love’s labia, licking and suckling at the lips. Alternately, her fingers worked her Love’s clit, bringing about another shudder of pleasure.
Faye continued on for quite some time, her tongue delving into her Mistress’s pussy. As Faye felt the wetness increase, she could sense her Mistress’s patience wearing thin. Her Love’s fingers encircled a clump of her hair and pulled her close.
Faye savored the moment, inhaling the familiar and adored scent of her Love. In just that moment, her tongue worked overtime, bringing her Mistress to climax. Faye dutifully lapped up every drop of fluid gifted to her for her efforts and then some, before laying down beside her Mistress, her head resting at her Mistress’s breast.
“My sweet girl,” her Mistress whispered through still-labored breaths. “You are mine.” Faye nearly purred with contentment at the words as her Mistress’s arm encircled her. “And to prevent any misunderstandings, I think we should mark you to show the world that you're my property, now and forever. Perhaps something here...” her Love’s fingertips traced an empty spot of skin on her shoulder blade. “But not tonight. Tonight, it’s clear to all that you are mine. My property, my darling.”
Faye sighed happily and leaned up to kiss her Mistress, tasting their mingled fluids on her tongue. They lay there for a time, staring at the moon, before Faye stood and helped her Mistress up and get dressed again, before the headed back to the commotion of the Beltane fires and the crowd, Mistress of the hunt and her prey.
It didn’t take long for Faye to spot her: the object of her affection. Firelight danced across her leather as she seemingly and without care adjusted the laces on her corset. Her boots were long and the knife at her side glinted ominously. Her red hair sparkled like a precious gem. She was the very vision of the Huntress Goddess and Faye let out a breath she didn’t know she’d been holding in.
It was the night of the Wild Hunt. Faye and the others would be let loose into the woods and whosoever captured them had the option of letting them go for better prey or taking them as they saw fit. Faye only hoped that her Love would get to her first. It was a gamble, but it was all part of the ritual and mystery of the holiday, and the prospect of being taken excited her.
A horn sounded once, and the participants stood at attention. It sounded again, and the line of prey began running for the woods, giving them a head start. Faye ran with the crowd for a while,
Her shift tore and snagged on the leaves and Faye quickly discarded it, knowing full well she was leaving a trail with which to find her. She didn’t care, it was a hindrance to her running and, though it provided a little protection from the cool night air and searching tendrils of fresh plants, she’d rather go without it.
Faye broke from the crowd and headed toward a grove of poplar trees, hoping that their quaking leaves would cover the sound of her footsteps. Stalks of multiflora rose scratched at her skin, leaving dark red welts and bloody lines. She hoped it wouldn’t lessen her beauty in her Love’s eyes, that is if her Love actually caught her.
She eyed the moon, full and lush like the belly of the fertility goddesses they were celebrating that night. So caught up was she that she didn’t notice she was being followed until a firm hand encircled her forearm and another was placed over her mouth so she couldn’t scream. Her boot caught a root and she tumbled, supported only by the weight of her mysterious captor. A masculine voice whispered “Shhh...You’re caught, little one.”
Tears welled in Faye’s eyes. Her captor was a man. Not the Mistress of the hunt she’d so desperately hoped would find her, but someone else, unknown to her. She could feel his hardness digging into her back. He let go and she tumbled to the ground, falling out of her boots that were caught in the mire.
Naked except for the temporary collar that marked her as a participant in the event (as if anyone else might happen to be wandering around the woods on Beltane night naked as the day they were born), Faye scrambled to her back and looked up at her captor.
He was well-formed, for sure, but he was not the one she wanted. She could scarce make out his features, even with the ample light provided by the moon. The budding leaves provided just enough coverage to make the whole experience just anonymous enough that, unless he dragged her back to the bel fires, she would never know who took her.
In just a moment, he was atop her, his strong hand grabbing her just under the chin and fingers digging into her cheeks. She looked at him, and saw he had deep, brown eyes. She inhaled just a little, and closed her own, trying to look away. He thought it was all part of the game and she had no real right to refuse him - that was the sacrifice she and the others had made going into the festivities.
So engaged they were in assessing each other, neither one of them heard the footsteps that made no attempt to hide in the wild undergrowth of the forest. What Faye did hear was the scrape of metal on metal as a knife was unsheathed. Faye thought momentarily about crying for help, until she saw the knife at her captor’s throat.
A delicate, well-manicured hand pulled his head back and a voice as thick and husky as midnight whispered “I believe you’ve found my property, good sir.” Even in the dark, Faye could see the man’s eyes grow wide. She looked beyond him and let her eyes adjust and saw her Mistress. The leather, dark as night, squeaked with the exerted effort of pulling the man off of her.
He grumbled, but acquiesced to her aggression and sulked off in search of other prey, leaving Faye and her Mistress of the hunt alone together. Faye looked up at her and smiled, but the smile was not returned with but a small “tsk”-ing noise.
“My careless little girl, getting herself into all sorts of trouble.” Her Mistress reached out and helped Faye to her feet. Faye embraced her, her bare skin pressed against the chilled leather of her Love’s outfit. The embrace was returned for just a moment before she felt the bare steel of the knife pressed to her back, tracing swirls and spirals down her spinal column.
“I may love you, my sweet girl, but tonight you are my prey. Now march.” Faye walked on clumsily, barefoot and with a knife to her back, urging her onward. She had no idea where they were going until they got to a clearing in the forest. It was matted around the edges with leaves from last year’s fall, but the center was fresh with dewy green grass that had just a hint of frost to it.
Faye knelt at the center of the clearing, unable to help it that her eyes searched her Mistress’s body and face for some indication of her plans. But nothing was given freely, not tonight. Her mistress quickly pushed Faye back and with a yelp of surprise, Faye toppled. The fresh grass cut into her wounds, making for a deliciously sweet sensation that caused Faye to yelp and squirm. The knife was at her throat in an instant.
“Shhh....” Her Mistress ordered. Faye bit her bottom lip and did her best to keep silent as her Mistress took advantage of her position atop her to run her hands along Faye’s body. She felt fingers explore the cleft between her legs, wet with anticipation and the thrill of being captured.
Her Mistress smiled, and removed the knife when Faye was sufficiently still. Faye gasped again as she felt lips upon her nipple and a little suckle, while a warm hand explored the other breast. Her back arched against the ministrations, and her legs instantly spread apart, showing her willingness to her Mistress with no questions asked.
Her Mistress smiled, and Faye closed her eyes, savoring the look of approval and the feeling of a warm, hot mouth on her tender breast. Faye’s hands reached up to run through her Love’s hair, but were swatted away. She was to be totally passive tonight, apparently. The sacrificial animal led to the slaughter.
She felt her Love’s mouth move further down, kissing her round stomach. The wetness between her legs was undeniable, so great it was that it trickled out and seeped into the ground beneath her. Her legs spread even wider as her Mistress’s mouth moved down, and she felt a hot breath close to her pussy.
She moaned then, unable to help herself. Cold steel and a sharp edge pressed against her thigh, a reminder to keep quiet lest they be discovered. Faye brought a hand up and bit down on her knuckles as the first electric charge of tongue meeting sensitive nether-flesh struck through her body.
Her Mistress worked tirelessly, tonguing at Faye’s clit. Faye writhed beneath her touch and it didn’t take much until her first climax was upon her. But the festivities didn’t end there. Faye felt herself invaded by three fingers, stretched out by them, as her Mistress bit down on the sensitive nub of flesh between her legs. Faye squealed, and the knife bit into her thigh, leaving another cut and a trail of blood.
She felt her Mistress’s mouth leave her clit for just a moment to lick the wound, and heard a satisfied “Mmm” sound, husky and thick with lust. Her Mistress wiggled her fingers and returned to licking Faye’s clit, and it didn’t take long before another orgasm, then another, rocked her exposed and vulnerable body.
Faye lay panting on the ground, her lust sated, when she heard the distinct ripping noise of a zipper. Through half-lidded eyes, she saw her Mistress carefully removing her leather pants. In a moment, she was upon Faye, squatting over her face. Faye dutifully reached out, her hands on her Mistress of the hunt’s thighs to brace her. Her tongue reached out and began to trace small patterns along the lips of her Love’s pussy.
Her Love moaned, and reached down to guide Faye’s head, but Faye needed no guidance. Her lips suckled at her Mistress’s clit, and Faye felt her shudder above her. Using all her strength and grunting with exertion, Faye flipped her Mistress over so that their positions were reversed. With it being much easier for Faye to access her Mistress’s most private parts, Faye went to work, taking her time and exploring her Love’s labia, licking and suckling at the lips. Alternately, her fingers worked her Love’s clit, bringing about another shudder of pleasure.
Faye continued on for quite some time, her tongue delving into her Mistress’s pussy. As Faye felt the wetness increase, she could sense her Mistress’s patience wearing thin. Her Love’s fingers encircled a clump of her hair and pulled her close.
Faye savored the moment, inhaling the familiar and adored scent of her Love. In just that moment, her tongue worked overtime, bringing her Mistress to climax. Faye dutifully lapped up every drop of fluid gifted to her for her efforts and then some, before laying down beside her Mistress, her head resting at her Mistress’s breast.
“My sweet girl,” her Mistress whispered through still-labored breaths. “You are mine.” Faye nearly purred with contentment at the words as her Mistress’s arm encircled her. “And to prevent any misunderstandings, I think we should mark you to show the world that you're my property, now and forever. Perhaps something here...” her Love’s fingertips traced an empty spot of skin on her shoulder blade. “But not tonight. Tonight, it’s clear to all that you are mine. My property, my darling.”
Faye sighed happily and leaned up to kiss her Mistress, tasting their mingled fluids on her tongue. They lay there for a time, staring at the moon, before Faye stood and helped her Mistress up and get dressed again, before the headed back to the commotion of the Beltane fires and the crowd, Mistress of the hunt and her prey.
Days of Submission: Day 27 + 28
27) Do you have submissive desires or fantasies that you have yet to be able to explore? Do some of your desires confuse or frighten you? Do they excite you?
I think the only desire or fetish of mine that I've ever really been leery about has been my impregnation fetish. I rarely talk about it, I rarely list it. It's not relevant to this relationship and I'm often too chickenshit to mention it to any of my partners unless they mention it first. It's not the idea of being pregnant - that was hell on earth - it's the idea of being claimed to that degree that turns me on. And that scares me, just a little.
28) Has your submission ever let you down? Have you ever been criticized for your submission? Have you ever regretted being or feeling submissive in a moment or in a relationship? Have you ever looked back and realized you made a mistake and how did you handle your submission going forward from that.
I've always talked at length about my mistakes and always tried to rectify them (still working off my most recent one where I've stepped out of line). I think my least proud moment as a submissive happened when I was a teenager. I met a "Dom" at a play party and he wanted to have sex. I said no and kept saying no, and he overrode my wishes. In that moment, I regretted feeling submissive and regretted ever engaging with him. I still look back on that night in disgust.
I've been criticized plenty for my submission, as well as for my choice to be in a polyamorous relationship. The most recent "shaming" occurred while waiting in line to see the president speak. It all started as a conversation on Clinton and his indiscretions and, being out and proud about who I am and making no secret about who or what I am, we got into it about lifestyle habits and choices and even sexual orientation. I pissed off the lady so bad she called me a slut and a whore and swore I was no better than a prostitute and that I must have no self esteem....she was so upset she left the line. I'll never understand it.
Most recently I've been approached by an author friend to give a comprehensive view on BDSM and what it's really like to be a submissive woman as opposed to the fantasy set forth by "50 Shades". We'll see how that goes.
Tuesday, March 5, 2013
Picture of the Day: 2004-2011
Everyday Musings: 5/5/2012
So today has been relatively full of strife and awfulness. Love got into it with my husband, both came away with hurt feelings because they both felt disrespected - Love because she was only trying to help and the mister because he didn't like being felt like he was being ordered to do something. And I got caught in the middle, naturally.
Then the baby would not go to sleep - she's not used to her dad being awake or around in the morning and that kept her up ALL morning because he doesn't know how to do anything quietly or calmly to get her back to sleep. I dread the day he becomes a stay at home parent because he lacks the skills, and then puts me down because I DO know her routines but he thinks he knows more because he's been around more kids. Well: newsflash: playing with her during her first morning change and bottle means she WILL stay up. If it weren't for me, she'd never eat solid foods because he doesn't have the patience required to work with her through the distractions and moments where she's digesting. He just gives up.
Add to that a sudden onset ear infection from using headphones that weren't mine and cramps/bleeding that should not be happening and I am a very sad, sad creature today.
So I loaded myself up with decongestants, some honey and ginseng tea, put on "Bones" re-runs and settled down for a nap. Of course the landlord next door doesn't know how to keep his music low, so my ear was pounding until I fell asleep.
And then the nightmares started. Nightmares of losing people I love, including my Mistress. Nightmares of being alone, nightmares of trying to make everything work and failing miserably.
Right now I just want to be cuddled.
Then the baby would not go to sleep - she's not used to her dad being awake or around in the morning and that kept her up ALL morning because he doesn't know how to do anything quietly or calmly to get her back to sleep. I dread the day he becomes a stay at home parent because he lacks the skills, and then puts me down because I DO know her routines but he thinks he knows more because he's been around more kids. Well: newsflash: playing with her during her first morning change and bottle means she WILL stay up. If it weren't for me, she'd never eat solid foods because he doesn't have the patience required to work with her through the distractions and moments where she's digesting. He just gives up.
Add to that a sudden onset ear infection from using headphones that weren't mine and cramps/bleeding that should not be happening and I am a very sad, sad creature today.
So I loaded myself up with decongestants, some honey and ginseng tea, put on "Bones" re-runs and settled down for a nap. Of course the landlord next door doesn't know how to keep his music low, so my ear was pounding until I fell asleep.
And then the nightmares started. Nightmares of losing people I love, including my Mistress. Nightmares of being alone, nightmares of trying to make everything work and failing miserably.
Right now I just want to be cuddled.
30 Days of Submission: Day 26
26) What are the qualities you seek in a dominant partner and why? Are some qualities deal-breakers as in “must” haves or “must not” have?
More pertinent, this post, I think, is time-wise. I used to have a strict rule about being out and proud of our relationship. If not, it was a dealbreaker. I've dated too many girls and guys who were otherwise involved or otherwise had hangups about their lives that prevented them from claiming me as theirs in a way that they should have been able to. Obviously that's something that's not possible with my Love and something I'm willing to sacrifice for this one, because she's a keeper.
Other dealbreakers? Insulting my weight or insinuating that I can try harder in that area, because I can't. Demanding I drop family obligations to be with them is also a deal-breaker. It can get gnarly when the two mix, but I'm willing to at least TRY to work it out and try to keep the peace, as such was the case today. -Squeaky
Monday, March 4, 2013
Official Act of Contrition
When I was a kid, my family was Roman Catholic. Okay, they still are, but are a lot more relaxed. One of the rituals of the church is an act of contrition: You've done something wrong, against the laws of God, and you have to make it right somehow. Usually that involves prayer, fasting or some act of charity or something else to show you're truly sorry for what you've done.
I felt really low last night after having hurt my Love. And I want to make it right. But being so far away, there's no real way I can show her how truly sorry I am. So I write this as part of my act of contrition. If I had known how much was truly at stake - beyond just partners and such - I would have kept my mouth shut tighter than Fort Knox.
I'm not used to being closeted. I've never had to be. I'm still learning. I talked to some friends today who helped me cope with the emotions involved in it. They gave me some insight into how to deal with the shit in my own head and from now on, I'll try to be better.
This is my promise to you, my Love, that I'll never again fuck up in that big of a way. The thought of losing you forever scared the hell out of me. The thought of losing you ever scares me. I wish I could give you all the things you want and need - alas, I lack the proper tackle and lure to do so. My primary goal in life is to see that you're happy. I want you to be happy. And if it means swallowing my own issues to do so, I gladly will.
I am yours so long as you'll have me, hopefully forever. -Squeaky
I felt really low last night after having hurt my Love. And I want to make it right. But being so far away, there's no real way I can show her how truly sorry I am. So I write this as part of my act of contrition. If I had known how much was truly at stake - beyond just partners and such - I would have kept my mouth shut tighter than Fort Knox.
I'm not used to being closeted. I've never had to be. I'm still learning. I talked to some friends today who helped me cope with the emotions involved in it. They gave me some insight into how to deal with the shit in my own head and from now on, I'll try to be better.
This is my promise to you, my Love, that I'll never again fuck up in that big of a way. The thought of losing you forever scared the hell out of me. The thought of losing you ever scares me. I wish I could give you all the things you want and need - alas, I lack the proper tackle and lure to do so. My primary goal in life is to see that you're happy. I want you to be happy. And if it means swallowing my own issues to do so, I gladly will.
I am yours so long as you'll have me, hopefully forever. -Squeaky
Picture of the Day: Project for my Love
30 Days of Submission: Day 25
25) Are there items, objects or rituals that represent or help you express submission? If not, have you ever thought of adding or being gifted one? Is there a special significance to these objects or rituals?
One day I hope to receive something from my Love to represent my submission from her, but I don't expect it any time soon. I have a long way to go in meeting her expectations, as evidenced by my recent actions. One of the rituals I engage in is, obviously, posting to this blog each day. Another that I just can't help is that she's the last thing on my mind before bed and first thing on my mind when I wake up. Each day I hope to be a little bit better for my Mistress and not be a disappointment. -Squeaky
Sunday, March 3, 2013
Picture of the Day: My Goofy Dog
30 Days of Submission: Day 24
24) What are the emotions that most directly let you access submission? What feelings do they inspire?
The positive emotions that most directly let me access my submission are love and concern for my Mistress' well-being, to know that her needs are being met and that I can adequately meet them and if I can't, to try harder and give more. The negative emotions that lead to me feeling more submissive are jealousy and fear. Fear of abandonment, jealousy over others who CAN meet her needs. Again, they all inspire me to try harder to be the best I can for her and her life and her needs. -Squeaky
Saturday, March 2, 2013
Picture of the Day: View From My Kitchen Window
30 Days of Submission: Day 23
23) Is there anything about submission (yours or what you see in others) that you question, dislike or repels you? Was there a time you questioned or were resistant to your own submissive feelings?
There are some that I worry about - those who take it to the utter extreme. Then again, I'm a very self-reliant, fiercely independent person when it comes to my life. Right now I'm struggling with letting my Love know when I'm depressed and why I'm depressed - and right now my depression is something that cannot be helped, regardless of efforts. I cried myself to sleep last night, wishing she was here. It's just heartache and it's something I'm used to and will deal with on my own - I just wish I didn't have to.
Friday, March 1, 2013
Picture of the Day: This Right Here....
30 Days of Submission: Day 21 +22
21) Is there a physical position that makes you feel most submissive?
I honestly feel most at home on my knees. That's where I'm comfortable and that's where I feel most submissive. The rest of it is just gravy.
22) Can you feel submissive without a dominant partner? If so, how does your submission express itself? If not, how do you handle your submission or submissive feelings?
It's funny, because the answer is yes. Whereas my Mistress's need to save the world and take care of everyone manifests in a dominant nature, mine manifests in a submissive nature. I volunteer, often to the point of my own detriment, and I help out those who are close to me. It makes me feel better and gives me a sense of purpose. Without a sense of purpose, I tend to just drift aimlessly.
_Squeaky
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