Just a Little Something...

That I thought you should know.

I was asked tonight a "what if" question. If I could have anyone for my Valentine's day date besides David (who I was with), who would it be?

Without hesitation I said I would want you there.

<3

For my Love on this holiday

I know neither of us is having a good week/month/year so far, but on this holiday, I want you to know that you are loved from the very bottom of my heart.

30 Days of Submission: Day Five

5) Have you been or are you in a dominant/submissive dynamic relationship or is this new to you? Have you been in more than one D/s relationship? How were they the same? How were they different? What is unique about your relationships in your mind?

Each individual relationship for me is unique and different. I don't believe any one person can be everything for any one other person. This is not the first D/s relationship I've been in - most of mine have been, and the ones that haven't didn't work out so well.

I am a loving person - some would accuse me of being too much in love with those I care about. Some would call it obsession or lust or some other such label that belittles what I feel. When in a relationship - no matter what the dynamic - I give 110% of myself over to it. This may seem counter-intuitive since I'm firmly polyamorous, but it's possible and I do.

If my Love asked anything of me - anything at all within reason - I would do it for her. For me, D/s isn't so much about a power exchange or a dynamic, it's about being able to express my giving nature in a  way that isn't looked down upon so much. Does that sound vain? I don't mean it to. What I mean to say is that I devote myself to my partners and to have a relationship otherwise seems foreign and alien to me.

How do You Know You Really Love Someone?

It seemed an appropriate topic given the season and something I wanted to let my Love know.

It isn't, as Valentine's day would suggest, about cards and flowers and gifts (although I did get one of the latter...unfortunately it won't arrive until well after the holiday. I hope my Love likes it.)

Knowing you love someone, really love them, is a lot like what the Velveteen Rabbit describes as becoming real - the person has seen you at your worst. With all your skin rubbed off and your hair coming loose. It might not be pretty, but it is what it is. Seeing all your scars and fresh wounds (both literally and figuratively) and saying "I don't care."

Knowing you love someone with all that you've got gives you a heady feeling, ignites butterflies in the pit of your stomach even though you've known them for years and years and years, through all the phases and stages, the mistakes and the triumphs.

Love is knowing that you'd like to take care of that person when they fall, and stand there with them (or behind them, as my case may be) when they succeed. Love is learning the ins and outs of the other person, and trusting them enough to be able to say "You're right." occasionally. When it merits. Every now and again. ;)

Love is knowing you'll always be there for the person, to fill a need or every need you possibly can, and, in the process, be willing to do anything for them.

I love you, my Dear. Don't ever doubt it.

30 Days of Submission: Day Four

4) Do you switch into a dominant role at any time? If you are in a domestic discipline relationship, are there things that you maintain control over? Are you a “switch” in BDSM terms? If not, have you ever thought about it or given thought to why it’s not for you?

There are rare moments, and  I mean really rare, where I switch into a dominant role. I'll do it for my partner if they like, but usually I don't derive anything from it aside from knowing that I'm pleasing them. Sometimes there's just a rare person or day where I feel like being in control.

There are plenty of things I maintain control over in my daily life, and prefer it that way. I don't like being told what to eat, how to eat, how or when to clean. These things are my domain and I do them to please my partner, not because I have to but because I want to.

I am not a switch in BDSM terms, though like I said there's a rare moment here or there usually brought about by a person. I am a brat - I tend to like fighting for submission and the take-down that ensues. I just don't derive much pleasure from topping someone - except in those rare moments or as stated above.

30 Days of Submission: Day 3

I was a bad girl and didn't get around to this yesterday. Yikes.


3) How do you know you are submissive or have the potential to be submissive? How do you feel when you express your submission?
I guess I've always known. It's just one of those things inherent to my nature. I was always wanting to be the one tied up when playing cowboys and indians, always the one assuming a submissive role when playing as a kid, always hoping the villian really would ravish the damsel in distress because it gave me butterflies in my stomach.

When I express my submission, I get that self-same "butterflies in the stomach" feeling and a dizzy, heady sensation, almost like I'm so giddy I'm going to pass out. 

If I Were There Now...

I'll have worn comfy clothes on the plane. Stepping off, I'd feel tired and a little bit disheveled. I'd want to get cleaned up, and presentable for you, feeling ashamed that I wasn't perfect for you right away.

Taking me home - to a hotel room, perhaps, or somewhere else, it doesn't matter because wherever you are is my heart's Home - you allow me time to get cleaned up and presentable for you.

After that, you waste no time, ambushing me as I step out of the bathroom and pushing me against a wall, kissing me as hard and as passionate as almost 10 years of knowing one another, all that pent up emotion, entails.

I return the kiss, and you snake your arms around me, pulling me with you to the bed. Hurriedly, we strip and I kneel to please you, licking and sucking and biting at your pussy. I want so very badly to feel your lips upon me, but I will wait my turn. I've been waiting for so long.

When the tables are turned, you find some infraction to cane me for - with the brand new cane I've gotten you. You finally relent and return the favor.

We spend the rest of the night in a less frenzied state,making love at our leisure, until finally we fall asleep safe and secure in each other's arms and knowing that there is something as deep, if not deeper, than love between us.