30 Days of Dominace: Day 4, 5 and 6 (short answer because I'm a slacker)

Day 4 - Do you switch into a submissive role at any time? Are you a “switch” in BDSM terms? If not, have you ever thought about it or given thought to why it’s not for you? If you are in a Domestic Discipline relationship, are there things that you do not maintain control over?

I used to be a switch. Now I tend more towards Dominant, as that is were I feel best.  I do like to be taken care of, I don't consider that the same as being submissive.

Day 5 - Have you been or are you in a Dominant/submissive dynamic relationship or is this new to you? Have you been in more than one D/s relationship? How were they the same? How were they different? What is unique about your relationships in your mind?

I've been in a few D/s relationships however I was on the submissive end. Even on the submissive end, however, I was the "first" so my sisters of submission often called me "little mistress". This is the first D/s relationship where I am the true Dominant. My past relationships were terrible things that I wish to not speak of, but I feel they make me better in my current relationship.

Day 6 – What do you feel are the roots of your Dominance? Do you think it has something to do with childhood, upbringing or parental example? Is it a relationship management tool as in the practice of domestic discipline? Is it a sexual thrill or something else?

I feel my dominance has to do with my need to care for people. I have this problem where I want o save the world. I want those I care for to feel no fear or pain. I believe that by being that constant in their life I can fulfill that hope to at least some point.

30 Days of Submission: Day 20

20) Has your submission increased or decreased over time? Have you ever had to renegotiate your submission due to a change in your feelings or circumstance?

I would say that it has changed over time - I've become much more willing to do what it takes to please whoever I am with. That has both served me well and caused me a great deal of pain. I feel that I'm able to trust easier and therefore listen easier. I have not had to renegotiate, but relationships change and I have no problems speaking up if something is a problem. -Squeaky

Picture of the Day: Lonely Sleeping

Excuse my messy living room in the background, but this is where I've been sleeping as of late. Our bed broke and I was kind enough to give Froggy the guest bed. I've been sleeping all alone on the couch, miserably so, missing my Love and hoping to one day be sleeping by her side.

Also, you can see my dog Sprocket, using my pillows like a human. Because how can that NOT cheer you up? -Squeaky

30 Days of Submission: Day 19

19) How socially connected is your submission? Do you look for others to talk to about your submission for support or networking? Do you go to events or connect through another sort of social grouping either in person or online?

I don't actually need to connect with others to be confident in my submission. I like to talk about it - hence moderating TK and being on Fetlife and speaking to different author friends of mine on the subject, but I don't feel the need to have a support network for it. I'd like to go to events, but there are few around here and I never seem to be able to make it to the one munch that's close. -Squeaky

Picture of the Day: Girly Things

This is is all your fault. I'm playing with makeup again after a hiatus and not being able to stand not having anywhere to go to get all made up. So your picture of the day is my eye crap.

Hard Candy Sheer Envy Primer
Maybelline Stylish Smokes palette in Amythest Smokes
Hard Candy Walk the Line liquid liner in black
NYC Eye Pencil on the lower lid in black
Rimmel Scandaleyes Mascara in HOLYFUCKITSACTUALLYWATERPROOF black.

I blame you for this. And thank you for it all at the same time. I feel purdy.

30 Days of Submission: Day 18

18) Very often the stereotype of submission is that the submissive person loses the ability to have an opinion. While that clearly isn’t true except in the absolute rarest of occasions, how does communication factor into your submission and how do you communicate your desires and needs?
This is a tough one because I'm a very opinionated person. My Love lets me speak my mind - that does not mean there aren't consequences for it, however. If I'm to be silent, it's made pretty clear and when I can speak freely she tells me so. Communicating is done straight forward...that does not, however, mean that every request will be obliged or need fulfilled. It's all at Her discretion. -Squeaky

Picture of the Day: My Weakness

Yesterday some crazy shit went down. I don't feel the need to re-iterate it, as it's being handled legally and on the basis of copyright infringement. But I did get called all manner of nasty, horrible things, mostly related to my weight.

It burns me because I try to do everything right. I'm on the diet prescribed by my doctor and nutritionist. I'm on medication to help with my hormonal imbalance and my insulin disorder. I walk everywhere. I jog five miles a week (more when it's warmer), I dance and do yoga daily. I chase the dogs and cats and play with the baby and pick her up and do all manner of physical activity while cleaning the house.

 I'm trying to lose 90 pounds, not because some jackasses on the internet think I'm too fat, but because I need to feel healthier. I want to be the girl I used to know. But with those health problems, losing weight is a near impossibility. In fact, the reason I gained those 90 pounds in a 3-month span my sophomore year in high school was because I was on the wrong medication for my insulin disorder. And they've stayed around ever since.

But sometimes you've just got to say "fuck it" and indulge your sweet tooth. So I've got a four pack of Cadbury double chocolate eggs that I fully intend on finishing today. I had two yesterday to make myself feel happier and take the edge off a headache. Today's are purely meant for enjoyment.

So there's your little peek into my life today - chocolate, it does a soul good. -Squeaky